Highschool like Politics
How we all feel.
Political Candidates if they went to your High School
When I’m stuck in traffic or blasting some hype song from the speakers of my car, I occasionally call friends and family (because that’s just the type of caring person I am). On moments of silence when the phone goes static and the car in front of me won’t move, I inquire to my loved ones if they keep up with current events. It’s not surprising that most of them don’t want to vote in this upcoming election. I shake my head at the downfall of our society. I still find humor in all of it because each candidate reminds of people I went to High School with.
Here are the most popular U.S political candidates and/or leaders as told if they went to your High School:
Barack Obama (Current, soon to be former President)
Barack was your first real boyfriend in HS that you won’t appreciate until you get older. He didn’t handle situations great sometimes, but you were young and naive so you both realize it wasn’t anybody’s fault. You friend request him on Facebook and find out he has 2.5 kids, a fine ass wife, a dog, and they live in a house that looks like a mansion. You know he’s going to the 10 year reunion because he’s successful and wants to brag about “old times”. He was on the debate team and actually graduated with community service hours attached to his transcripts.
Joe Biden (Current, soon to be former Vice-President)
Joe was Barack’s bestie back in the day. You never really noticed Joe with Barack around but low-key you always had a little crush on him. Once you entertained the idea of dating him but when you talked to him, he always put you on game when he referred to you as “fam” or “sis”.
Hillary Clinton (Presidential Nominee)
She was the girl in your class that was always running for class president. She never made the cut because she wasn’t in band (because HS band members always vote for their people). It was between her and two other people as running mates. You don’t recall if you voted for her, but you might have because out of all of them, she gave out the best candy. She dated the same dude throughout all four years, but he always had other side chicks in the classes they didn’t have together. He once bragged to you that he had sex with the teacher, but it wasn’t like she was the cutest faculty member. Her and dude got married and celebrate their anniversary each year by going out of the country.
Donald Trump (Presidential Nominee)
Trump was the obnoxious dude in study hall that would never do his homework but somehow passed. He’s the one that was always asking if you did the homework because he’s about to ask you if he could copy. He claims you and him smashed but you don’t even remember if he was in your graduating class let alone if you even knew him. He never writes meaningful things in anybody’s yearbook let alone HAGS (have great summer) because he doesn’t know what it stands for. Mostly likely he signed his name under his picture and kept it moving. You find out through social media that he became successful, however, it doesn’t surprise you because you know he lied, stole, and cheated his way to the top.
Jeb Bush (Former Governor of Florida, and Former Presidential Nominee)
He was the kid in class that always reminded the teacher we had homework the night before. No one ever wanted to partner with him in class so he always had to be paired with someone else, and if you’re homie was out that day, mostly likely it was you. He lived in your neighborhood, yet, his mom always picked him up because he was too cool to take the bus. He was that kid in elementary school that the teacher had to tell to stop running around with scissors.
Bernie Sanders (Former Presidential Nominee)
Bernie was always that kid that let you and friends cut in line at lunch. He could’ve easily been part of your squad but he was busy playing anime or hanging with the emo/goth kids. He listened to rap, country, and metal. He was always cool with the black kids. You didn’t mind if he was in your group for projects because he did the most research. After graduation, you keep in touch by requesting each other on social media and liking each other’s pictures.
Paul Ryan (Current Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives)
Paul was inducted to your school’s National Honor Society his freshman year and his head been swole every since. He was the youngest one in your class so the immaturity was apparent. When you’ll graduated, he went to the local community college before he was transferred to University status. He majored in political science and a random minor like Art to keep his GPA up. He ran for Student Government and won. He never lived on campus. He makes medium money at some major company but you have no idea what he actually does there. You’re only friends with him on LinkedIn.
Ted Cruz (Former Presidential Nominee)
He’s in the yearbook, that’s all you know about his assorted history. He was also the same one that signed up for all AP classes despite being strongly urged not to by the guidance counselor.
Ben Carson (Former Presidential Nominee)
Ben was the guy who asked you if you were going to homecoming and then surprised that you showed up with your date. He seriously thought you two were going together. He voted himself most likely to succeed. He spent a lot of time at home on the weekends and had very few friends. Senior year, he wrote a bunch of essays and got into an Ivy League College. He’s a Doctor now which is really nice.
Sarah Palin (Former Governor of Alaska)
Sarah was at every football/soccer/hockey/basketball/etc game (rain or fall), hung out with the jocks, but was never a cheerleader. She was in all regular classes with the exceptions of Honors History and AP Lit. It didn’t surprise you when she said her career aspirations was journalism. She stayed catching the tea but that’s mainly because she was dishing it out. She was in newspaper club.
Democratic Voters
They are the person who always needed to express themselves in class by protesting about having homework every night. They managed to always turn in every assignment but they were either late or copied it from friend. When the teacher called upon them to read in class, they were always lost because they were probably texting or writing notes during reading. They were too lazy to take the Honors classes but ragged on the AP students for being smart and working hard.
Republican Voters
They always did the homework but always had a cheat sheet for the test. They most likely had notes under their desks when the teacher gave out pop quizzes. Most likely they were friends with the teachers and even the Principal. All of them lived in a two parent home with loving parents who provided them with private tutoring after school. They were in every school activity including sports and drama club. They had every fair advantage so they mocked the kids who took the bus. Freshman year, this crew’s parent pick up game was like no other (parents always on time with snacks in the car). Mom was probably on PTA and Dad showed up to all their matches. Most likely they attended your school because there was no private or magnet schools in your area. Junior year, they all got cars after getting their license and went to every homecoming event with the utmost school spirit.
Independent/Green Party/Undecided Voters
Most likely they were in one of the subculture groups in your school (i.e. anime club, a/v club, step team, emo, goth, punks, Frisbee club). Every heartfelt movie on the planet is about them trying to survive high school and make something of themselves. Most likely they went to the local community college and lived at home.
Tell me your favorite political clown. Add your own down below in the comments!